I have a plane that carries 13 people and the plane will crash. Nobody dies, it will be like lost. There is no escape from the island and whatever they did before the crash is eradicated from memory. Which 13 people would I put on the plane?
(Side note: if this did actually happen, I would choose evil people so I’m only choosing people who annoy me too much)
1.Phil Collins
He’s an ok drummer. He was in Genesis. Then Peter Gabriel quit so Phil Collins thinks he can sing and goes on to have a huge solo career despite the fact that all he is doing is a very bad Peter Gabriel impression. His songs are like nails on a blackboard. He has a mediocre voice, which is better than…
2.Pink
The girl can’t sing, at all. I’ve watched X Factor auditions that have failed to get through and thought they were better than Pink. That’s bad enough but the woman has won song writing awards. She wrote a song where it was about a man that she’s not going to have sex with because he treated her bad and the song is called ‘ you and your hand.’ She also has an image of a rebel when she is clearly manufactured.
3.Paris Hilton
She became a big celebrity by making a low quality porno. Before she was like an IT girl, very rich father and was seen at any opening of a club. Then came the sex tape and she got a lot of TV work from it. Her celebrity status is encouraging below mediocrity. Surely porn stars, who shoot there films at multiple angles, with multiple angles and has much better lighting and sound deserves to be a celebrity than Paris Hilton.
4.Nick C legg
The Lib Dem guy. He did very well in a debate. So did Tony Blair. Clegg is a classic politician by telling people what they want to hear even though it contradicts himself. He said that he knew an estimate of illegal immigrants in the UK that would be offered amnesty in the country, but now he says it’s impossible to say. He said he would pull troops out of Iraq, now he backs the war. He says that the country needs a truthful politician, yet he exploited the MP expenses more than most. At least with Cameron and Brown they will make a decision and stick with it, Clegg will flip flop on everything he did and it will mess up the country more.
5.Carlos Tevez
Fantastic footballer, but don’t make out yourself to be a massive victim. You left United because you knew you weren’t Sir Alex’s first choice and you knew you could get more money at Man City. You’ve had a great season but don’t make it out that you were badly treated.
6.Chad Kroeger
Before I slag him off, I have to respect a guy who’s band (Nickelback), despite (deservedly) getting rubbish reviews for both albums and performing live are bloody massive! My problem with this guy is that he wants to be James Hetfield. You can’t be James Hetfield, he’s one of the greatest frontmen/rhythm guitarists of all time. You are in a crappy band that have 3 songs that you keep repeating the pattern for. You can’t do a cheesy pop song that Justin Bieber would be embarrassed to sing (Rock Star) and then try and be pretentious wanks tryin to save the world (If Everyone Changed)
7.Claude Makelele
This man is a footballer held in very, very high regard. He played for Real Madrid and Chelsea and also represented France. He was known as a holding midfielder, which means he will stay in front of the defence and act like an extra line of defence. He was very well disciplined in this position. My problem is that he is known as a world class player but he wasn’t. Claudey boy was good at the doing the simple things. I don’t think any player should be recognised as a world class player because he passed the ball 5 yards and stayed in his own half. He annoys me.
8.Matthew Fox
Seth Rogen in Knocked Up said that nobody likes Matthew Fox because there is nothing interesting about him. It’s actually true. Plus he’d have experience of surviving on an island.
9.Anna Paquin
Anna, I like you. You deserved to win an Oscar for the Piano. You were great in Almost Famous and you were Roque in the X-Men trilogy. Huge props. You are a very talented Actress, so why the fuck do you put on a ridiculous accent and show classic US soap opera acting skills for True Blood. It might be a success but so was Charlie’s Angels and it doesn’t make that good either, which brings me on the tenth person on my abandoned Island…
10.McG
You are a director called McG and you want to be taken seriously? You made Charlie’s Angels. That bad enough, then they made Charlie’s Angels 2, which I have only seen the trailers for and looked painful to watch. The other annoying thing about McG is that for Charlie’s Angels 2 he had to get rid of Bill Murray because Lucy Liu was unhappy that he referred to the first film as a paycheque to him so they had a little bitchfest. My problem with this is that nobody can bring to a film what Bill Murray does, yet Lucy Liu can only make direct to DVD films now. He also made a rubbish Terminator film.
11.Steven Speilberg
If I was to write a list of my top 13 favourite directors of all time the man would definitely be on the list. The reason he would be on my list to be left stranded with these other 12 is because he fucked up the Indy franchise. Indiana Jones is a trilogy, possibly the greatest trilogy of all time but he had to make the Crystal Skull. It is very bad, there is no place for aliens in Indiana Jones and now he wants to make a fifth? He needs to be stopped.
12.Jimmy Carr
He just annoys me. He isn’t funny and he’s smug and he is only every fucking programme. Has a fantastic laugh though.
13.Matthew McConaugheyI like McConaughey, He was brilliant in A View To Kill, I love EdTV and he was also good in Tropic Thunder, but you have become the guy who stars in rubbish romcoms. How to Lose a guy in 10 days? Fools Gold? The one about girlfriend’s past? It’s just below you. And you’re always shirtless! Wear more shirts.
Friday 23 April 2010
Monday 19 April 2010
Ideas for stories i'd wish i'd written
While doing an English course, I had to come up with ideas for short stories and some I would use, most would be forgotten until I was lacking ideas for a blog so I thought I’d rehash them. Some of these I used the idea but had to cut them out due to the word count. I’m only including ideas that I actually liked, otherwise this was a waste of time. I’ve amended some things to make the descriptions a little easier because they are out of context.
1.Coming out of the closet.
I had this story of a group of three friends (the three person unit was kind of a consistent thing for me while coming up with stories) and one was easy going (Ned), one was a bit extreme (Glenn) in the way people lived and thought that people couldn’t be too different and the final friend was a closet homosexual (Harold).
Harold had wanted to tell Ned for a couple of years but always chickened out. In the end Ned went round to Ned’s flat and they were chatting and Harold said that he hooked up last night and made a tape of it. Ned really wanted to see the tape and was really pressing Harold for it so Harold put it in and they both watch it. Harold is sitting nervously as Ned watches him and this man start kissing. Ned is still oblivious and thinks it is a threesome and they were both starting. Ned finally realises that Harold is gay. I really wanted to use this part of the story but the rest of it wasn’t strong enough of an idea and this scene didn’t really fit into any of my stories. A real shame.
2 & 3.My MMA story
I had an idea of ripping off Rocky/Wrestler and setting it in the world of Mixed Martial Arts (my twist on the story). It was basically about a guy who was touted as the next big thing when the sport was still small but he never achieved his dream because he wasn’t driven enough and became an alcoholic. Now he’s mid 40’s and has a wife and she unexpectedly becomes pregnant. He decides to start training again as he knows he could make more money and give his child a better life. He has a few fights for small promotions and then he is offered a chance to fight the champ in UFC to sell more pay-per-views as America loves the underdog story. I hadn’t decided if he would win or not. The two scenes I wanted to do was a press conference of the old timer up being humble at first but being trash talked by the champ constantly and then the old timer showing heart and passion and starting to believe he could beat him. The second was in a bar chatting to an ex fighter who was helping him train and doubting why he is doing this, how he should just stick to a normal job rather than take a risky fight. In the conversation he realises he’s not only fighting to help his family but to prove to himself that he could have made it.
In the end I didn’t use this idea because it was a bit too much of a rip-off of other things and I wanted to try a more original idea.
4.Farmageddon
Farmageddon is an idea I had about the pigs being hated by the cows as the cows think they are becoming the farmers favourite animals. So the Cows join allegiances with the Chickens and Sheep and declare war on the Pigs. I haven’t got the whole story figured out but I really want to finish it. The scene I want to do is a montage of the pigs in training but instead of using a song to really get them going and give them a winning mentality, they use Kelly Clarkson music as some is high tempo but lyrically not inspiring.
5.Conspiracy Theory
Never got off the ground. As all my stories were based around my interests I wanted to try a story like The Firm, where everybody is involved. I just couldn’t think of the story, only that it was based around the Fire Department and that fires were purposely being set so they could put them out. It probably wouldn’t have worked hence why I never wrote it.
6 & 7.Teenage love story
I love teen flicks, from Breakfast Club to Heathers and Superbad. I wanted to write one about a popular kid who is having an identity crisis and notices a girl who has change her image (from goth to kooky) and falls for her. It is very cheesy but I like the idea. The first scene I started was based on the boy leaving Ice Hockey practice and driving home in the rain. He notices the girl and hesitates to pick her up because she has rejected his advances already. He pulls over and convinces her to get in the car. It’s a frosty environment and then she slags off his bad taste in music and gives him a couple of cds to listen too. This is the point where they start to fall for each other. I admit cheesy but it was what I wanted to write.
The second scene was a chat between the guy and a friend who is a proper geek and they argue about Juno. The geek believes that girls like her exist and the guy is saying they don’t. The basis for this scene was reading how movie reviews say how realistic indie films are and they never are. It’s me ranting about it. I like to rant.
8.Tooth Fairy
There is a film out soon could tooth fairy. No idea what the story is but I doubt it is the same as mine. I like the idea of telling a well-known story told many times before and just changing it completely. My tooth fairy story was about him not being recognised as highly as the Easter Bunny and Father Christmas. He really loses it though when he hears a news story saying that Cupid was now considered more important. This gives him a breakdown and decides to punish people. Realising that screwing over kids wasn’t helping him he decides that he will kill the easter bunny, Cupid and Father Christmas. I never wrote it as it seemed too dark (and slightly twisted) but after writing this I wish I did. This however is slightly similar to the next idea.
9.Nelson Mandela
We all know the story. Wrongfully imprisoned and he’s a real inspiration. But what if he took his time in prison to instead of fighting the good fight, he went crazy, but pretended to be good, become president and then went all Mugabe on the country. I didn’t pursue this idea because I thought I would be frowned upon by the rest of my class, but why tell the same story again and again when you could have the biggest twist?
10 & 11.Tuesday’s Gone
The two best stories I finished was this and a vigilante graphic novel type (more on that later). Tuesday’s Gone was based on the Lynyrd Skynyrd song about a person going on tour and it destroys his relationship. Due to a word count restriction, I had to remove some stuff I liked. One was about the singer cheating on his girlfriend. I was doing this scene to show that he was upset with himself at how easy it was for him to forget about his girlfriend and the disgust look in his face at how his dream has changed him. The second scene was after they had broken up, they bump into each other and chat to each other and start on the road to becoming friends. I wanted to include this as closure but I think the ending I used in the story (he sings the song to symbolise the break up of the relationship) was better for it.
12 & 13.Paladin
Paladin was a masked vigilante who gave it up to start a family. With wife passed away and daughter in another country he decides to don his again as a pensioner. I love the idea of it and as I was making it out as a graphic novel I could throw realism out of the window. I was really happy with this story and I had to cut a lot of ideas. I cut out a big part of his back story and those are the scenes I think the story lack. I wanted to put the birth of Paladin in the story but it was easier to lose and keep the plot rolling. He started to revenge a friend’s assault. The police did nothing so he put on a mask to hide his identity and beat up the person who assaulted his friend. With blood on his hands he felt no remorse because he knew it was for the right reasons.
The other scene I wanted to include was a council meeting with the public after Paladin’s first few jobs back. They are discussing if he is a criminal or hero. This was to show the way people see him in the community.
1.Coming out of the closet.
I had this story of a group of three friends (the three person unit was kind of a consistent thing for me while coming up with stories) and one was easy going (Ned), one was a bit extreme (Glenn) in the way people lived and thought that people couldn’t be too different and the final friend was a closet homosexual (Harold).
Harold had wanted to tell Ned for a couple of years but always chickened out. In the end Ned went round to Ned’s flat and they were chatting and Harold said that he hooked up last night and made a tape of it. Ned really wanted to see the tape and was really pressing Harold for it so Harold put it in and they both watch it. Harold is sitting nervously as Ned watches him and this man start kissing. Ned is still oblivious and thinks it is a threesome and they were both starting. Ned finally realises that Harold is gay. I really wanted to use this part of the story but the rest of it wasn’t strong enough of an idea and this scene didn’t really fit into any of my stories. A real shame.
2 & 3.My MMA story
I had an idea of ripping off Rocky/Wrestler and setting it in the world of Mixed Martial Arts (my twist on the story). It was basically about a guy who was touted as the next big thing when the sport was still small but he never achieved his dream because he wasn’t driven enough and became an alcoholic. Now he’s mid 40’s and has a wife and she unexpectedly becomes pregnant. He decides to start training again as he knows he could make more money and give his child a better life. He has a few fights for small promotions and then he is offered a chance to fight the champ in UFC to sell more pay-per-views as America loves the underdog story. I hadn’t decided if he would win or not. The two scenes I wanted to do was a press conference of the old timer up being humble at first but being trash talked by the champ constantly and then the old timer showing heart and passion and starting to believe he could beat him. The second was in a bar chatting to an ex fighter who was helping him train and doubting why he is doing this, how he should just stick to a normal job rather than take a risky fight. In the conversation he realises he’s not only fighting to help his family but to prove to himself that he could have made it.
In the end I didn’t use this idea because it was a bit too much of a rip-off of other things and I wanted to try a more original idea.
4.Farmageddon
Farmageddon is an idea I had about the pigs being hated by the cows as the cows think they are becoming the farmers favourite animals. So the Cows join allegiances with the Chickens and Sheep and declare war on the Pigs. I haven’t got the whole story figured out but I really want to finish it. The scene I want to do is a montage of the pigs in training but instead of using a song to really get them going and give them a winning mentality, they use Kelly Clarkson music as some is high tempo but lyrically not inspiring.
5.Conspiracy Theory
Never got off the ground. As all my stories were based around my interests I wanted to try a story like The Firm, where everybody is involved. I just couldn’t think of the story, only that it was based around the Fire Department and that fires were purposely being set so they could put them out. It probably wouldn’t have worked hence why I never wrote it.
6 & 7.Teenage love story
I love teen flicks, from Breakfast Club to Heathers and Superbad. I wanted to write one about a popular kid who is having an identity crisis and notices a girl who has change her image (from goth to kooky) and falls for her. It is very cheesy but I like the idea. The first scene I started was based on the boy leaving Ice Hockey practice and driving home in the rain. He notices the girl and hesitates to pick her up because she has rejected his advances already. He pulls over and convinces her to get in the car. It’s a frosty environment and then she slags off his bad taste in music and gives him a couple of cds to listen too. This is the point where they start to fall for each other. I admit cheesy but it was what I wanted to write.
The second scene was a chat between the guy and a friend who is a proper geek and they argue about Juno. The geek believes that girls like her exist and the guy is saying they don’t. The basis for this scene was reading how movie reviews say how realistic indie films are and they never are. It’s me ranting about it. I like to rant.
8.Tooth Fairy
There is a film out soon could tooth fairy. No idea what the story is but I doubt it is the same as mine. I like the idea of telling a well-known story told many times before and just changing it completely. My tooth fairy story was about him not being recognised as highly as the Easter Bunny and Father Christmas. He really loses it though when he hears a news story saying that Cupid was now considered more important. This gives him a breakdown and decides to punish people. Realising that screwing over kids wasn’t helping him he decides that he will kill the easter bunny, Cupid and Father Christmas. I never wrote it as it seemed too dark (and slightly twisted) but after writing this I wish I did. This however is slightly similar to the next idea.
9.Nelson Mandela
We all know the story. Wrongfully imprisoned and he’s a real inspiration. But what if he took his time in prison to instead of fighting the good fight, he went crazy, but pretended to be good, become president and then went all Mugabe on the country. I didn’t pursue this idea because I thought I would be frowned upon by the rest of my class, but why tell the same story again and again when you could have the biggest twist?
10 & 11.Tuesday’s Gone
The two best stories I finished was this and a vigilante graphic novel type (more on that later). Tuesday’s Gone was based on the Lynyrd Skynyrd song about a person going on tour and it destroys his relationship. Due to a word count restriction, I had to remove some stuff I liked. One was about the singer cheating on his girlfriend. I was doing this scene to show that he was upset with himself at how easy it was for him to forget about his girlfriend and the disgust look in his face at how his dream has changed him. The second scene was after they had broken up, they bump into each other and chat to each other and start on the road to becoming friends. I wanted to include this as closure but I think the ending I used in the story (he sings the song to symbolise the break up of the relationship) was better for it.
12 & 13.Paladin
Paladin was a masked vigilante who gave it up to start a family. With wife passed away and daughter in another country he decides to don his again as a pensioner. I love the idea of it and as I was making it out as a graphic novel I could throw realism out of the window. I was really happy with this story and I had to cut a lot of ideas. I cut out a big part of his back story and those are the scenes I think the story lack. I wanted to put the birth of Paladin in the story but it was easier to lose and keep the plot rolling. He started to revenge a friend’s assault. The police did nothing so he put on a mask to hide his identity and beat up the person who assaulted his friend. With blood on his hands he felt no remorse because he knew it was for the right reasons.
The other scene I wanted to include was a council meeting with the public after Paladin’s first few jobs back. They are discussing if he is a criminal or hero. This was to show the way people see him in the community.
Friday 16 April 2010
Mission Statement 2. Electric boogaloo
I failed my blog a day for a week. It was probably too big an ask considering I lack the creativity and drive to keep to something like this. I’m not that guy. I am a guy though that if I was in a pole vault competition and I failed a jump at the same height twice, would go for a much higher jump on the third attempt even though I couldn’t succeed at the lower level.
For the next 13 days, there will be 13 blogs that will consist of a top 13 list of some of my favourite things, in 13 different colour fonts. I have 5 ideas already thought up and hopefully will be inspired for more ideas soon. I’ve chosen 13 because it is unlucky for some but I think it’s going to be lucky for me in the quest of blogging. I also went with lists because I thought I’d be able to get closer to my goal by doing lists.
The first blog will be appearing today and hopefully the 13th will be posted on the 28th April. I’m (slightly) confident I can achieve this, but I will try and that’s all you can do, is try.
For the next 13 days, there will be 13 blogs that will consist of a top 13 list of some of my favourite things, in 13 different colour fonts. I have 5 ideas already thought up and hopefully will be inspired for more ideas soon. I’ve chosen 13 because it is unlucky for some but I think it’s going to be lucky for me in the quest of blogging. I also went with lists because I thought I’d be able to get closer to my goal by doing lists.
The first blog will be appearing today and hopefully the 13th will be posted on the 28th April. I’m (slightly) confident I can achieve this, but I will try and that’s all you can do, is try.
Thursday 15 April 2010
How the blog was won
“You know that feeling you get when somebody embarrasses themselves so badly YOU feel uncomfortable? Heard Chris Cornell’s record? Jesus,” Trent Reznor on Twitter, 11th March 2009
I started to write a blog inspired by this quote when it was first posted but being me I was too lazy to finish it until a year later.
I love Chris Cornell. In my opinion he is without doubt the greatest singer of all time and I would regularly tell people that I thought he could sing any genre of music and it would be amazing. Well he released an album last year called Scream and it was produced by the talentless fool Timbaland and it sounded like a Justin Timbalake LP. There were good moments on it, but it had no instruments and although the voice is still there, you’re distracted by the shitty computer-generated noise going on at the same time.
I want to like Scream because of who made the album. This is the man who gave the world Bad Motor Finger, Superunknown and Down on the Upside when he was the frontman for Soundgarden. He then made one of my all time top ten albums ever with Temple of the Dog, a tribute album to his friend Andrew Wood who died of a drug overdose. The album is vocally Cornell’s finest hour. He then made a very underrated solo album, Euphoria Morning that proved that he wasn’t just a generic rock singer, like anybody ever thought that anyway. Then he went on to form Rage Against The Garden (it’s Audioslave but I feel they missed a trick by not calling themselves Rage Against The Garden) and released 3 great albums, their debut being one of the albums I have listened to most in the past decade.
In support of their second album, Out of Exile, Rage Against The Garden played Brixton Academy and I got tickets to see Chris Cornell live. I love Tom Morello too and I was happy to see him play too, but for me it was all about Cornell. There had been a lot of hit and miss reviews about his vocals live but on this night he was on fire. I saw him play a solo set while supporting Aerosmith at Hyde Park and he stole the show on a very rainy summer’s day. To put that day in perspective he outshined the ultimate Rock & Roll frontman, Steven Tyler. That’s impressive even for my favourite singer of all time.
A year ago he released Scream to bad reviews. In the blog I was hoping that this low point in his career would bear fruit to the rumours of a Soundgarden reunion. 2010 started off with the amazing news from the man himself on twitter “The 12 year break is over & school is back in session. Sign up now. Knights of the Soundtable ride again!”
This is not the only reason to be excited about Chris Cornell. He is one of the friends on Slash’s solo album and his song Promise is fucking amazing. The good times are back with the greatest fucking singer on the planet back doing what he does best!
I started to write a blog inspired by this quote when it was first posted but being me I was too lazy to finish it until a year later.
I love Chris Cornell. In my opinion he is without doubt the greatest singer of all time and I would regularly tell people that I thought he could sing any genre of music and it would be amazing. Well he released an album last year called Scream and it was produced by the talentless fool Timbaland and it sounded like a Justin Timbalake LP. There were good moments on it, but it had no instruments and although the voice is still there, you’re distracted by the shitty computer-generated noise going on at the same time.
I want to like Scream because of who made the album. This is the man who gave the world Bad Motor Finger, Superunknown and Down on the Upside when he was the frontman for Soundgarden. He then made one of my all time top ten albums ever with Temple of the Dog, a tribute album to his friend Andrew Wood who died of a drug overdose. The album is vocally Cornell’s finest hour. He then made a very underrated solo album, Euphoria Morning that proved that he wasn’t just a generic rock singer, like anybody ever thought that anyway. Then he went on to form Rage Against The Garden (it’s Audioslave but I feel they missed a trick by not calling themselves Rage Against The Garden) and released 3 great albums, their debut being one of the albums I have listened to most in the past decade.
In support of their second album, Out of Exile, Rage Against The Garden played Brixton Academy and I got tickets to see Chris Cornell live. I love Tom Morello too and I was happy to see him play too, but for me it was all about Cornell. There had been a lot of hit and miss reviews about his vocals live but on this night he was on fire. I saw him play a solo set while supporting Aerosmith at Hyde Park and he stole the show on a very rainy summer’s day. To put that day in perspective he outshined the ultimate Rock & Roll frontman, Steven Tyler. That’s impressive even for my favourite singer of all time.
A year ago he released Scream to bad reviews. In the blog I was hoping that this low point in his career would bear fruit to the rumours of a Soundgarden reunion. 2010 started off with the amazing news from the man himself on twitter “The 12 year break is over & school is back in session. Sign up now. Knights of the Soundtable ride again!”
This is not the only reason to be excited about Chris Cornell. He is one of the friends on Slash’s solo album and his song Promise is fucking amazing. The good times are back with the greatest fucking singer on the planet back doing what he does best!
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