I have a plane that carries 13 people and the plane will crash. Nobody dies, it will be like lost. There is no escape from the island and whatever they did before the crash is eradicated from memory. Which 13 people would I put on the plane?
(Side note: if this did actually happen, I would choose evil people so I’m only choosing people who annoy me too much)
1.Phil Collins
He’s an ok drummer. He was in Genesis. Then Peter Gabriel quit so Phil Collins thinks he can sing and goes on to have a huge solo career despite the fact that all he is doing is a very bad Peter Gabriel impression. His songs are like nails on a blackboard. He has a mediocre voice, which is better than…
2.Pink
The girl can’t sing, at all. I’ve watched X Factor auditions that have failed to get through and thought they were better than Pink. That’s bad enough but the woman has won song writing awards. She wrote a song where it was about a man that she’s not going to have sex with because he treated her bad and the song is called ‘ you and your hand.’ She also has an image of a rebel when she is clearly manufactured.
3.Paris Hilton
She became a big celebrity by making a low quality porno. Before she was like an IT girl, very rich father and was seen at any opening of a club. Then came the sex tape and she got a lot of TV work from it. Her celebrity status is encouraging below mediocrity. Surely porn stars, who shoot there films at multiple angles, with multiple angles and has much better lighting and sound deserves to be a celebrity than Paris Hilton.
4.Nick C legg
The Lib Dem guy. He did very well in a debate. So did Tony Blair. Clegg is a classic politician by telling people what they want to hear even though it contradicts himself. He said that he knew an estimate of illegal immigrants in the UK that would be offered amnesty in the country, but now he says it’s impossible to say. He said he would pull troops out of Iraq, now he backs the war. He says that the country needs a truthful politician, yet he exploited the MP expenses more than most. At least with Cameron and Brown they will make a decision and stick with it, Clegg will flip flop on everything he did and it will mess up the country more.
5.Carlos Tevez
Fantastic footballer, but don’t make out yourself to be a massive victim. You left United because you knew you weren’t Sir Alex’s first choice and you knew you could get more money at Man City. You’ve had a great season but don’t make it out that you were badly treated.
6.Chad Kroeger
Before I slag him off, I have to respect a guy who’s band (Nickelback), despite (deservedly) getting rubbish reviews for both albums and performing live are bloody massive! My problem with this guy is that he wants to be James Hetfield. You can’t be James Hetfield, he’s one of the greatest frontmen/rhythm guitarists of all time. You are in a crappy band that have 3 songs that you keep repeating the pattern for. You can’t do a cheesy pop song that Justin Bieber would be embarrassed to sing (Rock Star) and then try and be pretentious wanks tryin to save the world (If Everyone Changed)
7.Claude Makelele
This man is a footballer held in very, very high regard. He played for Real Madrid and Chelsea and also represented France. He was known as a holding midfielder, which means he will stay in front of the defence and act like an extra line of defence. He was very well disciplined in this position. My problem is that he is known as a world class player but he wasn’t. Claudey boy was good at the doing the simple things. I don’t think any player should be recognised as a world class player because he passed the ball 5 yards and stayed in his own half. He annoys me.
8.Matthew Fox
Seth Rogen in Knocked Up said that nobody likes Matthew Fox because there is nothing interesting about him. It’s actually true. Plus he’d have experience of surviving on an island.
9.Anna Paquin
Anna, I like you. You deserved to win an Oscar for the Piano. You were great in Almost Famous and you were Roque in the X-Men trilogy. Huge props. You are a very talented Actress, so why the fuck do you put on a ridiculous accent and show classic US soap opera acting skills for True Blood. It might be a success but so was Charlie’s Angels and it doesn’t make that good either, which brings me on the tenth person on my abandoned Island…
10.McG
You are a director called McG and you want to be taken seriously? You made Charlie’s Angels. That bad enough, then they made Charlie’s Angels 2, which I have only seen the trailers for and looked painful to watch. The other annoying thing about McG is that for Charlie’s Angels 2 he had to get rid of Bill Murray because Lucy Liu was unhappy that he referred to the first film as a paycheque to him so they had a little bitchfest. My problem with this is that nobody can bring to a film what Bill Murray does, yet Lucy Liu can only make direct to DVD films now. He also made a rubbish Terminator film.
11.Steven Speilberg
If I was to write a list of my top 13 favourite directors of all time the man would definitely be on the list. The reason he would be on my list to be left stranded with these other 12 is because he fucked up the Indy franchise. Indiana Jones is a trilogy, possibly the greatest trilogy of all time but he had to make the Crystal Skull. It is very bad, there is no place for aliens in Indiana Jones and now he wants to make a fifth? He needs to be stopped.
12.Jimmy Carr
He just annoys me. He isn’t funny and he’s smug and he is only every fucking programme. Has a fantastic laugh though.
13.Matthew McConaugheyI like McConaughey, He was brilliant in A View To Kill, I love EdTV and he was also good in Tropic Thunder, but you have become the guy who stars in rubbish romcoms. How to Lose a guy in 10 days? Fools Gold? The one about girlfriend’s past? It’s just below you. And you’re always shirtless! Wear more shirts.
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