Looking to the future

It's a Sunday morning at the local church and Mass is halfway through. The Priest is reading his sermon, meanwhile thinking about if he could get away with sneaky touch of the new alter boy without him getting rejected. Then the doors to the Chruch open and the Priest stops talking and is in shock. The catholics look around and can't believe it.

"Hello my children, I have returned." Says Jesus.

Nobody can believe it, almost as if they didn't believe the Bible when it said one day he would return. Jesus looks around at every person and slowly makes his way to the alter. It's so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. The Priest steps to the side as Jesus steps up to the Microphone. He has a shocked look on his face and then licks his lips before speaking. Every person is anticipating his words of wisdom.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?" Jesus screams before breaking into a bad guy style monologue.

I decide that 2010 was my time to come back to Earth in the human form, looking to see how people celebrate my teachings and how you worship me, because i should be worshipped because i'm the son of fucking God, and do you have a statue of me helping people? No, you celebrate my life by having me crucified! The worst moment of my life and you choose that moment to be the symbol? Itell you i'm coming back and you guys think 'What image would JC like to see of himself when he returns, i know, when he's stuck to a cross for days in pain and agony for us.' Thanks a lot "my children"

"We love you Jesus" Says an elderly lady

"What the fuck is that around your neck?" Jesus asks

"A cross, to simbolise our love and dedication to you" She answers

"Oh great, because that's what i want to see my peeps wearing to respresent me. A cross, like the one i was nailed too for days and left to die. Do any of you have brains?" I mean have any of you read this book? I admit it's not a page turner like Harry Potter but this book was meant to teach people but no, you guys you it to judge people. I mean why do you hate homosexuals?

"The bible says it's immoral and wrong" The Priest answers

"Where? What page does it say i think homosexuals are wrong? I'll tell you where, it doesn't. I just wanted people to be happy but you decide to be massive homophobes. There is no gay bashing in the Bible, i've even kissed a couple of my disciples back in the day, it was no big deal!" Jesus continues "and why do you condemn prostitutes, i clearly love me some ladies of the night and you make them feel like they are doing something wrong when the fact of the matter is after this gig the J-dogg is gonna go and pick himself up a lady to do some freaky shit with"

"You are not the son of a God, you were sent here by the devil" shouts a man in a suit.

"JESUS FUCKIN' CHRIST! Are you kidding me? how dare you insult me. You have sinned in my house and i'm in a vengeful mood."

Jesus walks down from the alter and goes to the man and snaps his neck.

"Haven't you watched The Wire? You disrespect me in a house built for me in front of my people then you must die! Don't you know who i am? Don't you know who my Father is? He created the Earth and you speak down to his son? I can't stay on this Earth, i'm going back to Heaven, away from you people. Oh and don't worry, i may have killed that sinner, but i have a endless collection of get into Heaven free cards. One final message though, if you want to get invited to the big dance, you gotta make some changes!

Jesus then pulls out a .45 magnum, "This is how i should have been sacrificed" then he shoots himself in the head and vanishes in a light.


I'm thinking about doing this writing course and need to enter a piece for it and wanted to know if i could think of something to write of the top off my head. I think it needs a lot of work but maybe this has some potential